Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Randomize