Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I could make wine with my vomit
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
false alarm, still single
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
