i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
