I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i was born a porn star she said
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
