I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
