Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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