Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
