I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize