Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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