Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
