I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
