So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
