I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
