Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I have aggressive nipples.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
