someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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