Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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