Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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