My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
