If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize