Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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