We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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