The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
