Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Randomize
