Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
