Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
So many bounce houses so little time
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
