when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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