he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
sarcasm needs its own font
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
