If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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