I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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