You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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