it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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