fuck your aforementioned shoe
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize