I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
