$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
