FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
