OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
