Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
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His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
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He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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