Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
