Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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