grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
