Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
