I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize