The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
