i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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