Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
