She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Randomize
