Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
she pinky promised me she was 18
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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