Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
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