just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Randomize
