Little spoons don't ask big questions
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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