Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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