i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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