I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
