Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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