Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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