Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Randomize
