My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
