I hate all girls vehemently.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
He passed out mid-signature
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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