That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
