she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
