I look better un-naked...
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
