we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Randomize
