i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
