I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
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