I've blown a few things in my day
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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